


Trifecta

by barbex



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Explicit Sex, Fluff and Smut, Frottage, M/M, Multi, growing polyamory, no anal, shakarilenko, valenko
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-28
Updated: 2018-01-15
Packaged: 2019-01-25 18:35:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12538532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/barbex/pseuds/barbex
Summary: For a long time, all Garrus had were memories. Good memories to turn to when life around him went to shit. And oh, did he have use for those in the last few years.There is something about Kaidan. Is it his voice? His intelligent eyes? And the way he rubs his neck whenever he is thinking about something, is that something humans do just to drive turians crazy?Garrus and Kaidan, falling in love. And Shepard, who is always part of their lives.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written for Mass Effect Polyshipping week on tumblr in 2016. But of course, THE CURSE OF THE ELABORATE BACKSTORY prevented me from ever getting that done on time. This fic has been growing on tumblr last year and I updated it October 2017 again. Go me!  
> Big thanks to @threewhiskeylunch and @nightmarestudio606 (from tumblr) for beta reading. 
> 
> Garrus and Kaidan at first, later polyamory with FemShep. I expect this to be about nine or ten chapters eventually.

 

Kaidan and Garrus, stitched together from screenshots by yours truly

 

* * *

For a long time, all Garrus had were memories. Good memories to turn to when life around him went to shit. And oh, did he have use for those in the last few years.

Now he needs those memories more than ever.

He sits in a hospital and that is definitely his least favorite place to be anywhere. He looks at the man in the hospital bed, his face and shoulders covered with skin-regenerating patches. The doctors have assured him that he is going to be fine and is kept in an artificial coma to help his recovery.

But he still has come here again and again for the last few days to watch him, even knowing that he won't wake up just because Garrus is sitting next to him.

He still wants to see him and letting the memories wash over him.

~***~

_The Normandy is new and built in a joint design by turians and humans, but it's obvious that the turians were not responsible for the interior design. A turian ship would have sound padding in the bulkhead, designed for the bulky soldiers stomping down its hallways._

_Whenever Garrus walks through the mess hall, he feels like every step from him echoes through the whole ship. It may be of turian design but this is a human ship; he is reminded of that whenever he walks through the ship._

_And it's too cold._

_He turns the heating unit in his armor up when he exits the elevator at the cargo bay. At least in the cargo bay the ship doesn't feel quite so cramped and loud. He carries his dextro foodpack over to the Mako and sits down on a cargo box to eat it. He usually eats in the mess hall but the main table had been occupied by a loud card game and he didn't feel like sitting among all the humans._

_He eats while a vid from his sister plays on his omni-tool. He is so engrossed in her story from her new job that he doesn't hear the soft footsteps approaching him._

_"Mind if I sit here with you?" says Kaidan._

_He almost spills his food. Kaidan has an incredible voice for a human and he can't deny that it has an effect on him._

_"Sure, grab a box," he says and hopes that Kaidan can't interpret the nervous twitch of his mandibles. He never had fetish for humans but now he has found himself on a ship with two of the most incredible people he has ever known and they are both human._

_"The card game turned a bit loud up there," Kaidan says with shy smile and sits down on a box._

_"Another headache coming on?"_

_Kaidan pulls a strange face. Shepard looks like that too sometimes but Garrus still has trouble understanding what all those soft bits do and mean. But he wonders what they would feel like under his talons._

_"Let's say I'm trying to stop it from coming." Kaidan bites into a thing he has called ‘sandwich’ before and chews quietly._

_Garrus finishes his own meal, occasionally looking at Kaidan. This isn't the first time they have sat together. Kaidan is always happy to answer Garrus' questions and he does the same for him. At some point, their conversation inevitably turns to Shepard and how great she is. They both have a serious case of hero worship._

_"Have you spoken to Shepard?" It seems Kaidan wants to start that part of their conversation early today._

_"Since we got back from Feros? Just shortly, she did her usual rounds and asked if everything was okay."_

_"Yeah, she asked me too but I wonder who asks her that kind of stuff?"_

_Garrus trills in thought. "I think Liara is the one for that."_

_"Maybe. She said she only talks about research with her." Kaidan stands up and rubs his neck. He does that a lot, Garrus has noticed and it seems to be something he does when he's nervous. It has a strange effect on him because that spot is an erogenous zone for turians. If a turian did that, it would almost be an invitation._

_Kaidan turns to him and still rubs his neck. "You want a beer?"_

_"Yes, sure," he says and he wonders if the nervous rumble in his subharmonics is the same thing as Kaidan rubbing his neck._

~***~

In retrospect, that had been the beginning. Garrus takes Kaidan's hand in his and lets the many talks they had after that pass through his memory. Each time they got a little bit closer, a little bit more personal. Until...

~***~


	2. Chapter 2

 

Awesome art by solstheimart

http://solstheimart.tumblr.com/post/151553641696/so-as-some-of-you-may-know-barbex-is-doing-a

* * *

_"Got you a beer," Kaidan says and sits down next to Garrus on their box, leaning back against the Mako. His arm brushes against Garrus' and his knee leans against his. Garrus has taken up the habit to take off his armor before he settles down for the Normandy's evening. He likes feeling the warmth from Kaidan through the fabric of his under-armor. Biotics run hotter than than non-biotic humans._

_Garrus has long accepted that he has a major crush on Kaidan and doesn't just like feeling him next to him because the Normandy is still always a bit too cold for him. He is under no illusion how Kaidan feels, he has an obvious crush on Commander Shepard and Garrus can hardly blame him. He would do anything for her, too._

_"Liara is with Shepard," Kaidan says. Garrus wonders if he's missing something in his expression; he can not tell if Kaidan is hurt that Shepard hasn't chosen him for this last night before they finally face Saren. "She wanted to go over the visions again, see if there is anything in them about Ilos."_

_Garrus nods, that sounds sensible to him but even he has heard the rumors that speculate over the relationship between the Commander and Liara._

_He takes a sip from the beer and is surprised how good it tastes. He turns the label. "Palaven Excelsior? Where did you get that from?"_

_"The Citadel. Bought it at a shop next to a turian fast food place," Kaidan says, looking straight ahead._

_"You bought me beer?"_

_"Yeah."_

_"Thanks. That's really — "_

_"Garrus, can I..." Kaidan puts his beer bottle on the ground and turns to him. "You know with this mission, fighting Saren and Sovereign, I thought..." he rubs his neck and it drives Garrus half insane. He has fantasized about Kaidan rubbing his own neck right under his fringe quite often recently._

_"Can I try something?" Kaidan asks with a beautiful rough tremble in his voice that almost sounds like a layer of subharmonics._

_"Sure, what...?" He can't finish his sentence because Kaidan is pressing his lips to his mouthplates. He knows what this is: it's called kissing and humans do it when they... oh._

_He opens his mouth and dips his tongue forward. He touches Kaidan's lips with the tip of his tongue and a shudder goes through him. Kaidan's lips are so soft and then something else touches his tongue and he realizes that it's Kaidan's tongue and he's so glad that he's already sitting. The sensations running through him make him dizzy. It's so good, so intimate and it's not enough. He grabs the man by his shoulders and pulls him into his lap._

_Kaidan huffs out in a grunt and straddles him. "I take it that you liked that."_

_Garrus growls quietly. "Yes, I did. I'm glad that you tried that. Can I try something?"_

_Kaidan grins. "Go ahead."_

_Garrus lets his eyes roam over the torso in front of him. He knows that erogenous zones are not the same across species, but he wonders... He rests his hands on Kaidan's waist, holding him tight and uses his tongue to lick over his shirt in a line where a turian would have his cowl. He must have done something right because Kaidan gasps._

_"Ok, inside the Mako, now," Kaidan growls and climbs off his lap._

_"Are you sure?"_

_Kaidan is already half way up in the Mako, has his shirt pulled off and looks back over his shoulder. "Very. Now get in here."_

_Garrus stares down his naked backside and ends on the dip in his waist. He rushes forward, stripping out of his under-armor as he moves and places his hand on that dip. He can feel the muscles and sinew play directly under his hand, soft and firm at the same time._

_He doesn't have a human fetish but he has watched Kaidan and Shepard enough to know how flexible humans are. They can turn and bend in ways that no turian ever could. Humans may not see the waist as a sexy body part but oh Spirits, the way Kaidan bends at his waist is doing something to his insides._

_Kaidan smirks at him and moves further into the Mako. Garrus follows him, his hand still on that dip, he doesn't want to let go. He is so distracted that he bumps his head on the low ceiling._

_"Futuo!" he growls._

_"You okay?" Kaidan asks him. He has turned even more to thumb the door of the Mako closed and Garrus is distracted again by his flexibility. His growl is as much an answer to the question and a reaction to seeing Kaidan's back so close to him._

_Before he can hit the ceiling again, Kaidan pulls his head down for a short kiss. "Hang on, let me just..."_

_He moves to a storage compartment and Garrus instantly misses the contact under his hand. Kaidan pulls some kind of fabric from the storage and lets it fall to the floor._

_"There, much better," Kaidan says and kneels down. Garrus folds his legs under him to copy the way he sits. The low emergency lights in the Mako give everything a slightly green tinge, but he doesn't need light to know that Kaidan's skin looks like the desert Tarshiier at sundown._

_Kaidan comes closer now, his scent is everywhere and Garrus breathes it in greedily. His hands with his many fingers come up to his head and he seems to map his plates and the skin between them with his fingertips._

_"Can you feel that? On your plates?" Kaidan murmurs._

_Garrus hums deeply in his chest. "Yes, the plates may be harder than your skin but they still have nerve endings."_

_Kaidan now strokes over his fringe. "I read somewhere that there is this spot..." One of his hands moves to the back of his neck and he strokes that bundle of nerves, the lubentia, and Garrus groans. He surges forward, burying his nose in Kaidan's shoulder._

_He can hear Kaidan's chuckle. "So that’s good?"_

_Garrus hums and nuzzles Kaidan's neck, taking in his sweet and salty scent. Now Kaidan gasps and pulls Garrus closer towards him. He stretches out on the floor and Garrus lays down beside him. Kaidan wraps his leg around him, his hip grinding against his. He is presenting his throat to him in an almost submissive gesture but Garrus isn't sure if it means the same for humans. But it's definitely a sign of trust because Kaidan knows of his teeth and how easily he could hurt him._

_But there is no fear, no reservation in Kaidan's movements. He wraps himself around Garrus somehow and then he kisses him again, tongues touching and his hand is at the back of Garrus' neck again and his subharmonics vibrate through both of them._

_"Oh, damn," Kaidan murmurs low, "that hum is so sexy." He pulls back a bit and looks at Garrus. "You know, I wasn't sure if this would work." His soft, protruding nose presses against his own flat and hard one. Everything about humans is so soft._

_There is a pause and he has to ask the question that has been nagging at the back of his mind since Kaidan opened the Mako. "I'm not complaining but I wonder — what brought this on?"_

_Kaidan sighs and rolls on his back. "Maybe you're just sexy?"_

_"I was pretty sure that you thought Shepard is sexy," Garrus says and since this seems to be honesty hour he adds, "I think she's very sexy, too, so I wouldn't be surprised if..."_

_"Shepard has made it clear that she's not interested in any close relationship right now. She’s focused on the mission." Kaidan rakes through his hair and Garrus makes a mental note to find out how that feels soon. "Fuck, I don't want to make this sound like you're second choice," he turns to Garrus, his thumb tracing his mandible. "You're not, really, I'm really... I really like you."_

_He sits up so sudden that Garrus fears he is about to storm off. He seems to be angry and Garrus doesn't know why. He puts his hand on Kaidan's back and when he doesn't flinch away, he slowly strokes down his back. "Hey, what's wrong?"_

_Kaidan's voice is dark when he answers. "You know what brought this on? Virmire."_

_Garrus feels cold dread wash over him. The explosion plays out in his mind, the crushing realization that Ashley had been left down there. And he also remembers the selfish relief he felt that it wasn't Kaidan or Shepard instead._

_Kaidan lies back down and turns to him, placing his hand on Garrus' face. "I remember how Ashley looked at Liara and Liara at her, how they spoke about poetry and had this light in their eyes. And now she's dead and she never even got to kiss her. And I didn't want..." He pulls himself close and he kisses Garrus, hard. His teeth are scraping against his mouthplates and there isn't enough air between them._

_Kaidan pulls back and rests his cheek against Garrus' mandible. He whispers, "I didn't want to go on Ilos and possibly die and regret never having kissed you."_

* * *

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, friends, don’t ever say I’m not here for you. 
> 
> A new part with our hot guys. **Smut, sex, porn**. Careful, there’s penis in there (I use the word penis and I do that on purpose). I’m not kidding, this is a sex scene.
> 
> Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
> 
> Thanks to @threewhiskeylunch and @nightmarestudio606 (from tumblr) for beta reading.

Amazing art by mitz-terblue at

http://mitz-terblue.tumblr.com/post/151576077645/picture-for-barbex-for-her-story-trifecta-pt-1

* * *

_Garrus can't quite turn his head without scraping his fringetips on the floor. He scoots back so that he can lean against the low bench. Kaidan seems to be taken aback first but then he understands and moves with Garrus, leaning his back against the bench like him._

_Kaidan leans against his cowl and stares ahead. Garrus puts his arm over his shoulders and pulls him towards him. "Sorry for killing the mood."_

_"It's okay."_

_"No I...," Garrus turns to Kaidan and nuzzles his cheek. "I really liked where this was going." He hopes that Kaidan can't hear the nervous rumble of his subharmonics. This could all turn out to be a terrible mistake._

_There is a rustle and some fluid motion and then Kaidan straddles him and kisses his mandible and his hand strokes under his fringe and suddenly everything is very much okay. He tries his best to return Kaidan's kisses but he has to admit that the human with his gorgeous lips has him at a disadvantage._

_But Kaidan has no shirt on and where humans love to use their lips, turians love to use their tongues. He trails a line over Kaidan's clavicle up to his soft ear and is rewarded with a moan and a rough movement against his hip. He groans in return, curling his body around Kaidan. His subharmonics rumble in excitement and he licks over Kaidan's chest, sampling his taste with his tongue. Kaidan keeps moaning and moving, rubbing against him with every swipe._

_Garrus's is already naked, having dropped his underarmor in one go when he climbed in but Kaidan is still wearing his pants. He can feel that the man is getting hard under the fabric and he wants to see all of that._

_He slides his hand under the band and presses his talons in Kaidan's ass cheeks, careful not to hurt him. Kaidan gasps and surges forward, his hips thrusting and rubbing. Garrus groans, his body answering Kaidan's with a hot wave of pleasure._

_Garrus nuzzles into his neck and mumbles, "The pants, you want to take them off?"_

_"Fuck yes," Kaidan groans and climbs on the bench at the side to wiggle out of his pants. He sighs when his erection springs free, slapping against his stomach. Garrus moves on auto-pilot, he is between Kaidan's legs in a second, licking up the inside of his thigh until he reaches his engorged penis._

_He licks a trail up to the head and Kaidan makes the most delicious sounds. His back is arching and he gasps, his breath coming in short puffs as Garrus licks around his member._

_"Stop!" With a huff he pulls Garrus head up and kisses him hard, his teeth scratching against his mouthplates. He shoves him back down and against the bench, spreading himself on top of him. With a sigh he presses his face into the crook of his neck._

_"I almost came just from that and I don't want to be done yet." He pulls back to look at Garrus. With a grin he kisses his cowl and works downwards from there, leaving hot kisses on his body down to his stomach. The whole time he looks at him, his beautiful brown eyes fixed on his._

_He pauses at his seam and Garrus trills out a needy whine. Kaidan grins, possibly understanding what that sound meant and then he licks a line around his seam and his plates part and his penis grows forward as Garrus groans. Kaidan only hesitates for a moment before he kisses his penis and takes him in his mouth._

_Garrus stares at him, his subharmonics a cacophony of need and amazement. He sees his member disappear between those gorgeous lips and can feel his tongue move along inside that wet heat and the pleasure is overwhelming. His hips are thrusting forward involuntarily and he can't stop watching._

_He doesn't have a human fetish but this, yes, this is how he will get one._

_Kaidan sucks on the tip and Garrus looses all concept of time and space. He can only react, his whole body hard and vibrating. The pleasure washes through him, hot and urgent and it grows to a point where he has to stop Kaidan with a hand on his cheek._

_"You probably shouldn't, ehm, ingest," he huffs out._

_Kaidan lets go of him with a pop and Garrus almost whines at the loss of contact but then he kisses him and he can taste himself on Kaidan's tongue. He feels Kaidan's erection against his own and they both begin rutting against each other, desperate for that contact and friction._

_It's rough and clumsy at first but then Kaidan wraps his hand with his too many fingers around both of them and they find a rhythm pushing and rubbing against each other._

_Kaidan is breathing hard but he stills suddenly, leaning back to look at them. Garrus follows his look, his blue penis, tipped and long and slick with his own fluids next to Kaidan's pink penis, shorter but thicker with a blunt tip. Garrus' fluids have spread out between them, glittering in the low light._

_"Gorgeous," Kaidan whispers._

_"Yes," Garrus says, looking at Kaidan._

_Kaidan rushes forward again, pressing his body tight against his and they rut and rub until they find their rhythm again. Garrus wraps his hand around Kaidan's penis and Kaidan groans._

_"Your skin, it feels so amazing," he says between puffs of hot breath against Garrus' neck. "I won't last much longer, are you...?"_

_"I'm close too." Garrus keens and increases the speed of his hand._

_Kaidan presses closer, his teeth pressing into Garrus' neck as he swears, "Oh fuck, yes, fuck, more, fuck!" He goes rigid, thrusting his hip forward and comes with a groan. It's the hottest thing Garrus has ever heard and felt and with a few thrusts against Kaidan's hand his own orgasm blinds him in white heat._

~***~


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is smut again in this chapter! Happy, sexy memories from Garrus. And a glimpse of things to come between Shepard, Kaidan and Garrus.  
> Thanks to @threewhiskeylunch and @nightmarestudio606 for beta reading.

Amazing art for this chapter by solstheim at 

http://solstheimart.tumblr.com/post/151553641696/so-as-some-of-you-may-know-barbex-is-doing-a

* * *

The memory of that night brings a pleasant warmth to his body. He holds Kaidan's lifeless hand, staring at the blue and black bruises as he traces the veins with his thumb. He looks up to his face. Under all the bandages and the respirator mask, he looks like he's just sleeping. But Garrus knows that he has almost lost him.

After that night, after Ilos, after the fight with Saren, after everything — they find each other in the wreckage of the Citadel tower, miraculously alive and mostly well. Garrus hugs Kaidan as best as he can with both their bulky armor between them. Kaidan's eyes behind his helmet's shield, the relief and happiness in them is another one of the happy memories that he loves to return to in the coming years.

The next one is how Shepard climbs over a broken beam and stands against the light of the Widow Nebula like the Spirit of War herself, a huge grin on her face. Kaidan and him fall over their own feet to get to her and hug her from both sides.

Garrus will call the coming weeks the happiest of his life one day. Kaidan and Shepard are officially on shore leave and Garrus has been granted a vacation by the Hierarchy itself. Kaidan and him spend as much time as possible with each other; he practically lives in Garrus' apartment.

It's not just the sex that draws them to each other. Garrus loves Kaidan's humor and the strange pieces of knowledge he likes to sprinkle in their conversations. They can talk for hours about technology and how the universe works.

And then something magical happens. Shepard joins them on their movie nights and when they cook together. It's not physical, she keeps her distance but they have a great camaraderie with each other.

Kaidan and him keep their affections muted at first when she comes over but after a while they hug and cuddle each other even when she sees them. She watches them, smiling, but she doesn't join them. There is nothing there — yet, but it feels like something could be growing.

It becomes clear that Shepard doesn't give affections easily. Every contact with her is deliberate and always starts from her. They give her time; she sits on a chair at first when they watch their movies. When she finally sits on the couch between them, her head on Kaidan's shoulder and her knees pressed against Garrus' leg, they smile at each other like they've been given the most wonderful gift.

~***~

_The movie soundtrack swells to a dramatic crescendo and the man on the horse, the nameless cowboy, rides off into a beautiful sunset on Earth._

_Shepard yawns as the credits scroll over the screen, stretching her arms up and her long legs out front. Garrus doesn't shy away from looking at her waist when she does that. It looks very inviting and as much as he would like to caress that dip in her waist, he keeps his hands to himself. Kaidan has a similar kind of hunger in his eyes but he also doesn't touch her. Their relationship isn't physical like that and it's up to Shepard to change that if she wants._

_Shepard sits up. "I think I need to go to bed." She stands up and sways a bit before she finds her balance again. They had a few beers between them while they watched the nameless cowboy search for — something, Garrus can't remember. Kaidan and him stand up too and hold on to each other as the alcohol makes their heads swim._

_"You know that you can sleep here," Kaidan says as they follow Shepard into the hallway where she puts on her boots._

_"My apartment is three levels down, I think I can manage," she says and grins._

_"Okay." Kaidan nods and leans against Garrus. "Sleep well."_

_"Good night, Shepard," Garrus says, expecting her to walk out with a wave of her hand like she always does. But tonight she hesitates and looks at them as if she wants to say something important. Suddenly she steps towards them and presses a kiss on Kaidan's and then on his cheek. She jumps back just as quickly and runs out the door, her cheeks pink and a goofy smile on her face._

_Garrus and Kaidan look at each other stunned. They both touch their cheeks where Shepard has pressed her lips on them as if they can't quite believe that it really happened._

_"Did we just win something?" Kaidan says._

_"It feels like it."_

_"In time she might kiss us for real one day." Kaidan looks up to him, his eyebrows raised in question. "Both of us I mean, if that... Would that be okay with you?"_

_Garrus puts his hands on Kaidan's shoulders. "Both of us and Shepard?" He takes a deep breath and tries to imagine how that would be. Not just living together but also being intimate with each other. They have admitted to each other that they both had a crush on Shepard on the Normandy, that they both find her attractive. Could he be with Kaidan and with her too?_

_"Garrus?" Kaidan interrupts his train of thought. "You don't have to decide that now and ultimately it's her decision anyway, so..."_

_"No, I was just trying to find reasons against it and can't think of any." He nuzzles Kaidan's head, taking in the scent of his shampoo. It's vanilla, Garrus' favorite. "I have no experience with living in a trisulca but with you and her, I think that could work."_

_"Tree... Trii... Trisulca?" Kaidan struggles to form the foreign sound. "Is that Palaveni for threesome?"_

_Garrus' translator gives him a rather vulgar word for that and he shakes his head. "No, a trisulca is not just about sex, it's like a contract of emotions between three people. A promise to share the life as three in one."_

_Kaidan gasps. "A promise to share life as three in one? What the hell, that's the most romantic thing I've ever heard. Who knew you turians had it in you?" He pulls Garrus' head down and kisses him. He tastes of beer and salt and Garrus loses himself in the touch of their tongues. He has to lean against the wall because his knees go weak._

_Kaidan lets go of his mouthplates with a smack of his lips and leans against him. "Come on, you spiky giant, take me to bed."_

_"Should I carry you like the cowboy in the movie did with the fainting lady?"_

_"Don't you dare!"_

_They lean against each other as they walk over to the bedroom, stumbling only a little bit from their combined drunkenness. Deft hands release the clasps on his tunic and Garrus' hand finds its way under Kaidan's shirt. He strokes up the man's back, enjoying the tiny shudders he can feel run over him under his hands._

_By the time they reach the bed, Kaidan steps out of his pants and Garrus sits down to peel off his own. Excitement churns in his stomach as he watches Kaidan bend down to take his socks off. Despite spending almost every night with each other, with or without sex, he is still nervous whenever they come to this point. Some part of him expects Kaidan to realize that Garrus is an alien and not at all attractive to him and that he should run. He always needs a moment to let the reality sink in that Kaidan really wants him, that he really means it when he calls him gorgeous._

_Kaidan steps between his legs, his penis already half hard, and he smiles at him. "You're so fucking gorgeous."_

_Garrus lets out a sigh of relief._

_He cradles Garrus' head with a hand, softly massaging the lubentia under his fringe. He leans down when Garrus begins to hum and licks a long swipe under Garrus' mandible. Garrus' hum turns into a needy song about giving himself to this man for whatever he wants. He can only hope that no other turian is around to hear it._

_He eagerly leans his head back and trills in pleasure as Kaidan takes a tip of his mandible in his mouth and sucks on it. The man climbs up on him, his licks and nibbles on Garrus' mandibles relentless. His one hand is still cradling the back of his head and the other hand follows the gap between his plates down to his seam. Garrus is aching behind his plates and he doesn't know what to do with his hands._

_He places them on Kaidan's waist but Kaidan growls into his neck. "Move up, lean against the back. Put your hands up to the sides and leave them there."_

_Turian beds are almost circular and have a soft backrest at a comfortable angle with a pillowroll to rest the fringe on. Turians sleep in a position that Kaidan has called 'grandma in a rocking-chair'. Garrus thought that that would make for awkward sleeping arrangements because humans like to lie flattish with just a pillow. But as it turned out, it works perfectly fine for him and Kaidan. Kaidan sleeps on the lower part of the bed on a pillow and his breath flows over Garrus' waist when he cuddles against his body. Garrus has woken up with demanding primary urges on some mornings from Kaidan nuzzling into his waist in his sleep._

_Not that Kaidan has complained about that._

_Garrus scoots back until his back hits the backrest and he places his arms on top of it like Kaidan has ordered. His subharmonics hum in need and excitement. Kaidan sits at the end of the bed, looking at him with a hungry grin. Garrus forgets to breathe as he watches him. "You're so beautiful."_

_Kaidan grins even wider and his cheeks turn pink. Then he crawls towards him, slowly and powerful like the predator his species is. Garrus' hands are twitching, he wants to grab Kaidan and pull him closer._

_"Keep your hands to the sides, don't move them."_

_Garrus lets out a whine with his second voice but he nods. "Okay. What are you going to do?"_

_"Wanted to try something, you can tell me to stop anytime, alright?" He waits until Garrus answers him with a breathless yes. The predatory grin spreads on his face again and Garrus feels his erection grow just from watching him._

_Kaidan crawls over him, holding his weight on his arms. He hovers over him, so close but not touching him. His breath fans over his neck as he lowers his head and places slow, soft kisses on his cowl. Only his lips touch him and Garrus stares at the muscles playing directly under the skin of his upper arms as he holds himself up._

_The kisses continue and his desire to feel Kaidan's body on his gets stronger with each one. He bucks his hips upwards, desperate for contact but Kaidan growls at him. "Hold still."_

_"Spirits Kaidan, you're asking for a lot."_

_"Patience, my friend, patience." He moves to his neck and kisses a trail over the soft skin. Garrus shivers, straining towards his kisses. His trills have long turned into whines of desperate neediness._

_Kaidan looks at him. "I love those sounds you make."_

_Garrus holds his breath, suddenly self conscious. "You can hear that?"_

_"I may not understand it all but I can hear it." He nuzzles into his neck. "And it's damn sexy." He looks at him again and grins. "Now, let me hear you." He crushes his hip against Garrus, his erection rubbing in delicious friction against his seam and Garrus moans loud enough for the whole Citadel to hear. His plates part and he feels himself grow against Kaidan's penis._

_Now it's Kaidan's turn to moan. "Yes, damn, you feel good." He moves his hip in a slow rhythm, rubbing against him and Garrus digs his talons into the cushioned edge of the backrest to keep his hands at their place._

_Kaidan stills and leans back. "Now," he growls with a rough voice, "let me know if this is something I should do." Garrus leans forward to watch him and sees him glide two fingers down his penis into the open seam of his parted plates. He presses forward and Garrus can't help himself, he bucks his hips and cries out in need._

_"Kaidan! Please!"_

_Kaidan stills his hand. "Should I stop?"_

_"Spirits, no, just... I want... I need..." He can't put into words what his subharmonics are already singing out to the world, how he is at the mercy of this man with his body and Spirit, willing to let him do whatever comes to his mind._

_Kaidan holds Garrus' glistening erection in one hand but he only holds it back to have room and begins to move his fingers inside his sheath again. "Is this good? Do you want this?"_

_Garrus bucks his hips against Kaidan's hand and cries out in need. "Yes, yes I want this," he hears the fabric on the backrest rip under his talons, "but I want to touch you."_

_"Be patient," Kaidan growls as he slowly massages the inside of Garrus sheath, sending Garrus into a frenzy of pleasure shooting through his body like electric currents. His subharmonics hum and keen and whine all at once while his first voice keeps moaning Kaidan's name like a chant._

_"Fuck," Kaidan groans. He removes his fingers and crushes his body against Garrus'. "Touch me, now."_

_Garrus roars as he wraps his arms around Kaidan, burying his face into the crook of his neck. He flips Kaidan on his back, their hips rutting against each other and it's hard and desperate and urgent and fast. Kaidan cries out his name and a blue glow dances over his skin as his whole body shakes and Garrus follows him into bliss with a yell as his orgasm hits him in a rush of pleasure._

_He rolls to the side but keeps Kaidan in his arms, letting the shivers of the afterglow pass._

_Kaidan looks up to him with glassy eyes. "That was pretty fantastic."_

_For a turian, Garrus' current subharmonics would be so telling in how much he liked that and how much he cares for Kaidan. But in words he can only say, "Yes."_

_Kaidan hugs him tighter and Garrus wonders if he somehow understood what all his undertones said._

_After a while, Kaidan gets a warm washcloth and cleans Garrus and himself. Something pulls tight in Garrus' chest as he watches Kaidan wipe their fluids off him._

_After they both gotten ready for bed, Garrus leans back into his usual sleep position and Kaidan lies down on his pillow, his back pressed into Garrus' side. He has almost fallen asleep when he hears Kaidan whisper._

_"Garrus?"_

_"Yes?" he says, fighting his sleepiness._

_"When you spoke about the Tree... Trisulca, that sounded like a pretty serious relationship."_

_"It is, yes."_

_"And if it's just the two of us?" It sounds like a casual question but he can feel that Kaidan is holding his breath._

_"Duesulca."_

_"Also pretty serious?"_

_Garrus sits up and pulls Kaidan up to him. He presses his forehead against Kaidan's and holds him there for a moment. "Pretty serious, yes," he says as he lets him go._

_A brilliant smile spreads on Kaidan's face. Garrus trills softly and leans back, sleep overcoming him. The last thing he feels is Kaidan putting his pillow on Garrus' stomach and curling up against him._

~***~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The turian penis sheath is a fairly common fanon I think, I saw it most recently in stories from threewhiskeylunch. One day, we're going to have to put a vibrator in there, don't you think?  
> Thank you for reading and please let me know what you think.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks go again to @threewhiskeylunch and @nightmarestudio606 (from tumblr) for beta reading.  
> Today's image has been stitched together from screenshots by yours truly.

* * *

Shortly after that night, Garrus' world goes to shit.

Kaidan and Shepard got called back to the Normandy for a geth hunt in the Terminus. It's a pointless waste of time, something the Council "asked" for to save face after their ignorance towards the threat of Saren and his personal Reaper.

Only Kaidan returned.

And Garrus self destructed.

Thinking back to that time now, something he has avoided for the last few years, it feels as if some other person did all the terrible things he did back then.

Some other person found himself unable to help the person they loved though grief and guilt. Some other person hid in the worst bars of the wards, high on drugs to make him forget how to feel. Some other person went on a transport to Omega.

Some other person looked at the messages he received, "Where are you?", "Please call me.", "How can you do this to me?", "Are you okay? Please let me know you're okay!", "Garrus, please ______ " and never answered. Some other person deleted his contact data from the Extranet.

Some other person became Archangel.

The memories flash in glimpses through his mind, the people he tried to help, his squad, their dead bodies, Shepard like the Spirit of War appearing and saving him from certain death.

 

_And then Horizon. Kaidan's voice. That voice. He hears him speak and the ground breaks away under his feet._

_He hugs Shepard but he can't meet Garrus' eyes. That hurts more than the rocket to his face._

_Kaidan turns away, anger and hurt in his voice and Garrus doesn't even call him back. Kaidan thinks that Shepard and Garrus betrayed him and nothing he can think of saying could make that undone. No matter how much his subharmonics plead._

 

A hand on his shoulder makes him jump up and his talons are out before he realizes that the friendly asari nurse with the swirling white markings has come in to speak to him. Fear blinks in her eyes for a moment but then a well practised calming smile appears on her face and she takes a step back, her hands raised up.

"I'm sorry, General Vakarian, I didn't mean to startle you."

Garrus stares at his hand, curled just the right way to rip someone's throat out.

"Are you okay, sir?"

_No, he definitely isn't._

"I'm sorry." It feels inadequate to say for almost killing someone.

"It's fine, General Vakarian," she says with that well practiced smile again. "I just wanted to let you know that we began flushing the narcotics out this morning and we're expecting Major Alenko to wake up soon."

"Maybe I should leave then."

For the first time in their bizarre exchange, the nurse looks concerned. "We believe it to be beneficial if the Major woke up to a familiar face. "

Garrus doubts that he can still count as familiar but he nods and sits back down. He waits. He owes Kaidan a lot of waiting.

 

_In a surprising twist of irony he turns out to be a good turian after all. Because the way he blames himself for the death of his squad and the self destructive guilt clouding his mind are about as turian as one can get. He now understands what the elders meant when they spoke in hushed tones of the general who had lost his Spirit and wasted his life away._

_Shepard saves him, again. She pulls him away from self destruction and cold blooded murder, she gives him a purpose and she even teaches him to love again. First he learns to love himself and then he learns to love her._

 

Kaidan is still not moving but the monitor shows that his heart rate is increasing. He will wake soon. Garrus waits.

 

_"Actually, she and I were the two best hand to hand combatants on the ship. I had reach, she had flexibility. It was brutal. After 9 rounds, the judges declared it a draw. A lot of unhappy betters in the other room."_

_Somehow the story has gotten away with him and now he can't stop._

_"We, uh, ended up having a tiebreaker in her quarters. I had reach, she had flexibility. More than one way to work off stress, I guess... "_

_Shepard laughs out and a pink blush spreads on her cheeks. She takes another sip from her beer and grins at him. "You know we could test your reach and my flexibility — oh damn, that was bad!" She goes even redder and laughs so hard that she almost falls off the box they're sitting on. "I'm not good at this!"_

_Garrus holds his breath for a moment, weighing the implications of what she almost said. "At what?"_

_She instantly sobers up and looks at her hands. "At suggesting that you and I... you know?"_

_"...be together?"_

_"Yeah."_

_He studies her profile, how tight she holds her jaw, how dark the shadows under her eyes are. "We've been under a lot of stress..."_

_"Yes, and it's not that I need to..."_

_"But it would be..."_

_"Yes. And I wouldn't do this with just anybody..."_

_"I know."_

_She finally looks at him and raises her hand to stroke over his unscarred mandible. "I'm not one to just hop in anybody's bed. I'm not a virgin but I've given up on sex a long time ago. I just don't get anything out of one-night-stands and stuff like that. I need a connection, I need to feel safe and I feel we... even back when you were with Kaidan, I wondered..."_

_He leans into her touch and the storm of emotions makes his subharmonics sing. "We talked about that, back then."_

_"You did? You and Kaidan?"_

_"Yes, we wanted to give you an opening I guess, if you were ever ready."_

_She is quiet for a long time, her hand sliding down to his shoulder, her eyes unfocused. "I think I was ready, I just wasn't brave enough," she finally says._

_The silence stretches out between them and Garrus carefully caresses her cheek with the bud of his finger._

_She looks up to him. "Do you miss Kaidan?"_

_He can't stop the sad keen coming from his chest as everything inside him forms a wall around that raw pain. "Yes."_

_"I'm sorry. I wish we could have talked to him more."_

_Garrus hums in agreement. "I should have said something."_

_"If it means anything, I don't think he was able to listen. Sometimes people close off when everything becomes too much."_

_"I still should have said something. I should have contacted him before but I was a coward."_

_Shepard takes his hand and runs her thumb over the skin between his fingers. "You were in a bad place. I thought I would lose you to your demons."_

_"You saved me twice."_

_She smiles at him and her brown eyes remind him so much of Kaidan's that he has to look away. She puts her hand on his mandible and turns his face back towards her._

_"You saved me too. Knowing you were always there for me gave me the strength to get through this all."_

_Garrus lets his subharmonics vibrate with a trill of honor. "I'll always have your back."_

_"I know." She grins at him. "So, when should I book the room?"_

_Garrus stretches his neck. "Maybe we shouldn't disrupt the crew too much?"_

_Shepard snorts. "This ship of bipedal disasters better not act up on some kind of superiority complex."_

_She looks at him and her eyes wander over his face. A spark in her eyes tells him that she made a decision and she leans forward and places a kiss on his upper mouthplates. He leans into the contact, opening his mouth and lets the tip of his tongue stroke over her lower lip. She gasps and leans further into him, deepening the kiss with her own tongue sliding against his._

_She leans back with a sigh, her fingers touching her lips. "Okay, this seems to work well. I..." she looks almost shy, "I wasn't expecting that."_

_She jumps up and begins pacing in front of him. "Listen, I don't mean to say 'hey let's bang, tomorrow we might be dead!' but, you know... time doesn't wait for anybody. But I don't want to just... I might not..."_

_She keeps pacing and Garrus catches her hand as she walks by. "Hey, Shepard, relax." He pulls her towards him and she finally stops moving. He wraps her hand in his own hands and hums soothingly at her. He waits until she lets out a long breath and looks at him._

_"We don't have to do anything," he says and he can see the relief in her eyes. "We can just spend time together, be there for each other and see what happens."_

_"And if nothing happens?"_

_"That's fine too," he lets his subharmonics sing freely, telling her of his trust and how much he cares for her. Maybe she understands them. "We're friends, Shepard, I like spending time with you."_

_She sighs and sits back down on the box, leaning her head against his shoulder. "I'm so glad you're here," she says._

_"Me too." He hums for her, trying to calm her. She falls asleep on his shoulder and he doesn't move for hours._

 

"Garrus?"

Kaidan's voice, hoarse and weak, rips him from his reminiscence. "Kaidan." He wants to say so much more but the words are stuck in his throat.

"You're alive."


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to @threewhiskeylunch and @nightmarestudio606 (from tumblr) for beta reading.

 

* * *

It dawns on Garrus that Kaidan hadn't even known that he had survived a literal suicide mission, nor that he had been on Palaven, safe and healthy, until the Reapers attacked. Now he feels even more like an ass.

"I'm sorry, I should have contacted you."

Kaidan adjusts the bed so that it raises him up. He winces but settles into a position that he can look at Garrus comfortably. "That message I sent you..."

"Where you wrote about this new person, a doctor, in your life?" Garrus looks to the side to avoid Kaidan's eyes. "I didn't feel like answering that one."

Kaidan lets out a bitter chuckle. "That doctor wasn't... it was a stupid message and shouldn't have send it."

Garrus turns back to him. That message feels so insignificant on the canvas of galaxy wide threats that is now the background to their lives. "I..." he starts but Kaidan interrupts him.

"Why did you leave?" It's not even an accusation, just a question.

Garrus trills out quietly before all he can say is, "I don't know."

A deep frown appears on Kaidan's face. "You left, no word, no goodbye. You never answered my messages, I didn't know where you were... what the _fuck_ , Garrus?"

"I'm sorry." Such an insignificant reply again.

"I thought you were dead."

Garrus gets up, every plate on his skin itching to get away.

"No. Sit down." The order is undeniable, especially in Kaidan's incredible voice.

There is a good turian inside of him practically scrambling to stand at attention. He sits back down and hums calming sounds to himself.

_No more running._

"First she died and then you... I thought you were dead. Maybe died on the way to Palaven, some pirate attack, a deadly virus or... shit, I had so many ideas." He looks at him. "Anything to make sense of it. And then I heard rumors. I was ready to go to Omega myself." There is almost a smile on his lips. "Archangel sounded so familiar. But then I heard that he died."

"Without Shepard, I would have," Garrus says. He remembers the searing pain, the sound of his own blood rushing in his ear, drowning out Shepard's voice pleading for his life. The darkness encroaching, crushing him.

"Why. Please tell me why."

Garrus spreads his mandibles, trying to force out words that could make sense but there is nothing he can say.

_Somebody else became Archangel._

"I don't know... I really don't know."

"That's not a good answer."

"It's all I have." He gets up again to leave.

"Garrus, _stop_."

The voice halts him, halfway to the door, but he's not turning around. "There's nothing I can say that makes sense; it doesn't even make sense to me. I know I hurt you and for that, I can never forgive myself."

"Garrus, I swear to all gods and Spirits, sit your ass down."

He looks back. Kaidan leans forward, his face contorted in pain. It looks like he's trying to sit up and Garrus hurries back to his chair. Kaidan falls back with a relieved sigh. "You're alive. What you did was — not good, but you're here, you're alive and you're not wearing a Cerberus uniform. That ups your tally by three."

"We were never with Cerberus, we just used their resources."

"Still a bad choice for a partnership."

"It was the only option we had."

"Speaking of partnership..." Kaidan looks up to the ceiling. "You and Shepard... I heard rumors..."

Garrus lets the silence stretch out.

_Nothing happens for the longest time. They just sit on the couch with each other, talking. He loves it, he hasn't felt this relaxed in weeks, months, years. They both had a beer but now they switched to something non-alcoholic. It's the night before the so called suicide mission and they need to be sharp and alert in a few hours. Garrus has no intention to die and he won't let her die either if he can help it._

_There is a lull in their conversation, a smile playing on her lips a remnant of the story she just told. He could initiate something, a touch, a kiss maybe but he waits for her to make the first move. She watches him and he doesn't dare to move._

_She turns to him. "Can I kiss you?"_

_"Yes," he says, a rumble in his chest inviting her._

_She leans over and her soft lips brush over his mouthplates in the lightest touch. She is so careful, as if she's afraid to break him. He lets his tongue dip forward and she finally deepens the kiss. He pulls her towards him, softly, more like an invitation and she overcomes her hesitation after a few moments and straddles his lap._

_He licks along her jaw and he feels her shudder under his hands. She leans against him, tense at first but then she softens, burying her face into his neck. He strokes her back and her sides, taking his time to feel the dip of her waist. Her hips are wider than Kaidan's but she is more wiry than him._

_She leans back to look at him and Garrus softly strokes over her waist. She whispers, "Where should I touch you? What do you like?"_

_He takes her hand and guides her to the lubentia at the back of his neck. She featherlight touches the bundle of nerves and he groans with a subharmonic hum._

_"Oh," she says, her eyes wide in wonder. "That hum... that felt good."_

_For a moment the pain breaks out of the walls he has built, the memory of Kaidan saying how he loved his hum coming to the surface. He pushes it away; this is for her, she deserves all he can give her._

_She kisses him again, her body soft against his and he gives himself over to her and how she feels._

_It's different. Not better or worse, just different. There isn't the urgency, the desperation bordering on greed for contact. It's tentative touches, careful and slow._

_She leads him to the bed and her hands explore his body. They kiss, they hold each other and at some point she asks him to stop. They fall asleep in each others arm until Joker wakes them over the comm-system._

Kaidan studies his face with knowing eyes. "So it's true, you and her."

"In a way, yes."

"What does that mean?"

"It wasn't...it isn't..."

"Like us?" Kaidan stares at him and Garrus wants to fall into his eyes.

He sings out a soft trill. "It was emotionally but not physically..."

Kaidan lets his head fall back on the pillow and stares up to the ceiling. "I don't know what to do with this information. But I won't be standing in your way."

"No!" Garrus calls out. "We're not..." a frustrated song comes from his subharmonics. "Shepard got me off Menae with Victus and I haven't spoken to her since. I don't even know how she sees us."

"And what do _you_ want?"

He stares at Kaidan. Hope flares up in him, flickering for the memory of what once was.

Kaidan holds his gaze. "What you did was — you fucked up, but it's in the past and you're here now. So I ask again: what do you want?"

Garrus trills softly. "I want to go back two and a half years and not do the things I did. I want to hold you in my arms again. I want to hear your stories of canadian maas again. I want us... I want us fixed."

Kaidan closes his eyes and sighs. "Moose, canadian moose." He chuckles a little before his voice turns dark again. "I thought I lost you. The galaxy just kept going and I couldn't stop thinking about you."

Garrus waits for him to continue but he stays silent. He watches the expressions on his face, all the soft moving bits that tell him how he suffers. He takes Kaidan's hand in his and rests his forehead against it. "I'm sorry. I don't know what else to say."

"Garrus."

He looks up and sees Kaidan leaning towards him.

"Come here," he says, pulling his head towards him with a hand on his fringe.

Garrus gets up to lean forward until his mouthplates meet Kaidan's lips. He hums out in such shrill relief that he sounds like a child but he doesn't care. Kaidan kisses his mouthplates and then presses his forehead against Garrus'.

"Don't ever do that again."

"Never. I'm never running again," Garrus promises, underlining the words with an oath in subharmonics.

"We're a team, you and I."

Garrus hums in agreement. He can't speak because Kaidan claims his mouth in a kiss. He holds him with his hand on his neck, their tongues dipping and sliding against each other. He kisses along Garrus' mandible and Garrus groans softly.

"Kaidan..." he mumbles, trying to put everything he feels in just this one name.

"God, I missed you," Kaidan says against his mouthplates.

Garrus hums with all he has in his second voice, unable to form words as he falls into Kaidan's scent, his soft moan, the touch of his lips on his plates, his hands on his neck under his fringe. His own hands search for contact but he has to avoid the fresh skin grafts on Kaidan's body and all he can do is rake through Kaidan's hair, feeling the soft strands between his fingers.

The urgency is back, the desperate need to get closer, to touch, to hold. Garrus has to call on all his self control to stop himself from crawling onto the bed. He presses his forehead against Kaidan's and breathes deeply until they both stop panting. "Kaidan," he whispers, "Spirits, Kaidan." His subharmonics sing for him.

A rustle at the door startles them and Garrus straightens to scowl at anybody who dares to interrupt them.

"Shepard," Kaidan calls out, his voice dangling somewhere between hope and defeat.

"I'm sorry, I didn't want to..." She turns to leave.

Garrus runs after her in three quick strides and grabs her arm before she can go through the door.

"Wait, don't just go." Garrus catches her eyes and he recognises the pain in her expression.

"It's okay." A weak smile appears on her lips. "I always knew that you and Kaidan... that I wasn't..." Only Garrus' hand on her arm stops her from running.

Kaidan calls to them from the bed with an angry undertone. "You guys! I'm injured, I can't run after you, would you two have the fucking courtesy of getting the fuck over here and _talk_ to me?"

This time, Shepard smiles for real. "Kaidan. I don't think I ever heard you swear."

Kaidan falls back with a frustrated grunt. "Well, yes, you better apologise to my mother for being such a bad influence on me."

She walks back to Kaidan's bed and they both stand on either side of the bed. Kaidan takes a hand from each of them in his own.

"Listen, I'm too tired to draw this out. _Us_ ," he tilts his head towards Garrus, "doesn't have to exclude _you_. If you want that." He looks at Shepard, gripping Garrus' hand tighter. "Think about it."

She rubs her neck just like Kaidan always does and Garrus wonders if humans just do that to drive turians crazy. Desire is still burning under his plates and imagining her fingers on his lubentia under his fringe doesn't help him at all.

"I'm glad you're better." She uses the back of her fingers to stroke along the hair framing Kaidan's face. "I'm sorry I couldn't stop the —"

"-- please, it happened, it wasn't your fault. She even tricked Liara."

"You should probably know that the body is now, ehm, occupied by the Normandy's resident AI," Shepard says with a sheepish grin.

"You mean she's walking around on the ship?" Kaidan stares at her.

"Even off ship; she's currently taking a walk on the Presidium with Joker."

Garrus trills in surprise. "I'm surprised C-Sec allowed that."

"Joker assigned her as his personal assistance mech." Her finger hovers over the skin grafts on Kaidan's shoulder. "I just wanted to let you know... when you come back — if you come back..."

"On the Normandy?"

"Yes."

"I'd love to."

She smiles. She looks beautiful when she smiles. Garrus looks back at Kaidan's face and sees the same kind of smile on his face. They both look so wonderful — something in his chest wants to break free and sing.

Shepard looks up to him and smiles at him the same way she did at Kaidan. This is the moment that convinces him that their Trisulca will work. There is enough love for all of them between them.

He leans forward, offering his forehead. Most humans wouldn't know what that means but Shepard does. He explained it to her when he spent the night with her. What an intimate gesture of love and trust it was and how it marked the partner with a special scent from a gland on a turian's forehead.

She doesn't hesitate. She rests her forehead against his and follows Garrus' movement down towards Kaidan's forehead. It needs a few adjustments but they find a way to include Kaidan in that ritual, too.

After a long while, they slowly break up the connection. Shepard sighs and palms Kaidan's cheek. "Get better soon, okay? I... _we_ need you on the Normandy."

"I can't wait." Kaidan smiles but he looks dead tired. His eyes are falling closed.

They leave him after a quick kiss and Garrus follows Shepard out into the hall. They have to wind their way through gurneys and chairs with soldiers and civilians, refugees mostly, injured and traumatized. The realities of the war and how devastating it is could not be clearer.

Garrus feels Shepard's hand in his own. It's a tiny gesture that means so much for them. He squeezes her hand reassuringly.

"He's going to be okay," he murmurs to her with a calming hum.

"I know, " she says, smiling at him. "He'll be back and we will all be together. "

It doesn't quite turn out that way. The next time they see the man they love again, he points a gun at them.

~~~***~~~


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Deviating from the game quite a lot here. On rewatching the scenes, I had several moments where I yelled at the screen "Bad storytelling! You don't hint at that and then don't deliver! Bad writer, sit down." So, uhm, not saying I do it better but I'm doing it differently.

* * *

"Where's Kaidan? You've got contact?" Shepard's voice is quiet over the comm and he only knows by her location blinking on his visor that she has taken cover on the other side of the walkway. Her infiltrator cloak is incredibly good; she just walked over there without any of the Cerberus troops noticing her.

"Last time I spoke to him, Udina had called him up to the Tower. I still can't get anything but short range communications to work." Garrus has an algorithm on his omni-tool that constantly cycles through all the frequencies but Cerberus must have put up a scrambler when they took over control of the Citadel.

"If that slimy asshole is trying to win Kaidan over for his Cerberus friends, it'll be a short conversation."

"Yep." Kaidan would never, not even for a millisecond consider an offer involving Cerberus. Garrus just hopes that he was armed and armored when he went up there.

A gasp comes from the turian next to him. A C-Sec officer, young and inexperienced. He had been hiding behind the very reinforced structure that Garrus is now kneeling behind. The young officer is lying on the ground next to him, his armor cracked and brittle at his waist. Blue blood is dripping out of it. Whatever new weapons Cerberus has, C-Sec armor can't hold up against it.

"Let's start this circus," Shepard says in his audio interface and Garrus raises his rifle over the cover and starts shooting when he hears her snipe. Together they hit half of the Cerberus troop before they have quite figured out the threat and when Shepard switches to her heavy pistol, Garrus knows that she will start moving now.

He collapses the sniper rifle on his back and unfolds his assault rifle. They have danced to this music so many times, he knows exactly what she is going to do next. When her roll from one cover to the other draws the attention of the Cerberus soldiers, Garrus moves too, drawing the fire away from the C-Sec officer.

The young turian has raised his pistol but is wise enough not to draw attention to himself. He looks over the handrail and trills. Looking over to Garrus, he opens the comm to ask, "Is that Commander Shepard?"

"Yes, that's her."

"Oh wow, that's _amazing_."

Someone seems to have a case of hero worship. Garrus can hardly blame him and if it lifts the spirits of the poor guy, to know that Commander Shepard fights for him, all the better.

"Spirits! Then you must be Garrus Vakarian!"

"Correct. Now keep your head down." He runs across the bridge next to him and takes out two heavily armored Guardians with headshots. From the other side of the cross-section, heavy stomps alert him to the arrival of an Atlas and he scrambles to cover before one of its rockets can lock on him.

The screams of dying soldiers nearby tell him that Shepard isn't far. A group of Cerberus soldiers runs past him to find cover behind a beam. "Oh _shit_ , that's Commander Shepard!"

Looks like young C-Sec isn't the only one with a case of hero worship.

Garrus makes quick work of the reaperfied soldiers, hearing the Atlas coming closer behind him. When he turns around, Shepard has jumped on top of it and cracks the canopy with her omni-dagger. She jumps back in a graceful somersault and lands behind a solid barrier when a grenade rips the Atlas apart from the inside.

The quiet is so sudden, Garrus hears the creaking of the door they broke on the way in, as loud in his ears as the storms on Palaven. A groan from young C-Sec reminds him of more urgent matters and he rushes over to the young man. He removes the brittle parts of his damaged armor and applies a medi-gel patch to the wound. The young turian trills his thanks at him and then his head lolls to the side. Blood is dripping out of the gap in his armor, forming a blue puddle under him.

"How is he?" Shepard asks, coming up to his side.

"Not good... he lost more blood than I thought."

"Once we took back control over C-Sec HQ, C-ES should be here soon."

Garrus scans the functionality of the turian's armor and frowns. "He doesn't even have any emergency functions build in, apart from the most basic medi-gel injectors." C-Sec doesn't supply the kind of armor that spectre requisitions does.

"He lost too much blood," Shepard says quietly next to him. He knows that they don't have time to take care of him, they have to get to the tower but he appreciates that she is still willing to help this young C-Sec officer. "Can you activate the synth-blood injector?"

Garrus shakes his head. "He doesn't _have_ one." Warnings scroll along his visor, telling him that the young man is in critical condition. "I'll attach the one from my armor. It'll hold him over until C-ES is here."

Shepard nods. She doesn't need to tell him to hurry, he works as fast as can, connecting the injector to the interface of the young man's armor and starting the default cycle. He gets up, just as Shepard has overridden the locks on the elevator doors. As he runs over, his visor informs him that the young C-Sec officer is getting slightly better.

"Will he be alright?" Shepard is pulling the elevator door to the side, despite the internal motors screeching and working against her.

"I think so, yes. C-ES should be here soon, his armor is sending an emergency signal." He looks back to the prone figure, humming his worry with his second voice. "I don't even know his name."

"We have to go."

"I know." He checks his omni-tool; still no contact with Kaidan. Shepard is already climbing up the elevator shaft and Garrus hurries to follow her.

"I hate elevator shafts," Shepard says over the com.

"I'll catch you if you fall," Garrus says, trying to joke his way through the uneasy feeling in his chest.

"Thanks, my knight in blue armor."

A short climb later, they find C-Sec HQ in worse condition than they had expected. Cerberus is crawling everywhere and the fighting never stops for more than a minute. They find Sergeant Bailey, injured but well enough to restore some of the communications and give them a lead on the location of the councilors.

Shepard sees the salarian councilor in a building opposite from them, hiding from an assassin and shoots the window to jump over there as if it is nothing. Garrus hesitates only for a moment, then follows her, ignoring the deep gap underneath him as he hopes for the best. He lands with a crunch and a warning from his armor to not overextend the shock absorbers. "Tell that to Commander ‘I Can Fly’ here," he mumbles to himself.

The assassin jumps over the furniture much more elegantly, like it's a game for him. He looks half machine and is quicker than anything they have seen before. Shepard and him cover the councilor, trying to place a shot on the dark figure but he is shielded and too fast. It is Thane who saves their asses, appearing out of nowhere and fighting the assassin in close combat. He manages to push the assassin back, but before he can finish him, the assassin pulls out a sword and thrusts forward.

The wet gasp from Thane tells them that the assassin has hit his mark. They shoot after the retreating figure, but he jumps off the balcony onto a skycar and has the nerve to wave at them as he flies off.

"Thane!" Shepard runs over to him but he sends her off.

"Go after him, he probably knows where the other councilors are."

Garrus takes one of his medi-gel dispensers and injects it close to the wound. "Can you make it back to the hospital?"

The salarian councilor offers her arm to Thane. "I'll go with him." She helps Thane get up but turns once more to Shepard and Garrus. "You have to stop him, he will kill us all."

"We'll get Mr. Dramatic Sword guy, don't worry," Shepard growls.

"No, Udina!" the councilor cries out. "He's staging a coup. The other councilors are walking into a trap."

Garrus meets Shepard's eyes and he knows what she's thinking. _Kaidan_. Kaidan had been with Udina.

"He's fine, I'm sure he is," Shepard says in his com, her voice wavering only a little.

Garrus swallows down the dread rising in his gizzard. "Yes, yes he is."

With renewed urgency, they confiscate a skycar and have Bailey guide them to the location of the councilors. The assassin seems to have vanished, until he materializes on top of their car and rams his blasted sword into the engine. Not even Shepard and her most reckless driving can prevent them from crashing on an open courtyard. They climb out of the skycar before it tips over the edge by its own weight and are immediately attacked by Cerberus troops and phantoms. And another Atlas, because of course there would have to be another Atlas. They can only watch as the assassin and a load of phantoms enter an elevator and disappear in front of their eyes _again_ , all while Bailey is shouting at them through the com to hurry up.

Garrus begins to wonder if his life has always been this crazy or if he is just getting too old for this.

Another elevator, but this time they don't have to climb up the shaft. All they have to do is kneel on top of the cabin as it rushes upwards. Garrus hates it with every fiber of his being.

"Ugh, I think I'm going to be sick," Shepard mumbles and holds onto a beam. Behind the helmet's faceplate he can see how pale she is. Garrus wants to ask her if she has something for that in her armor but she's already typing on her omni-tool, probably to find the right substance.

Garrus makes his way over to her, crawling rather than walking, careful to keep his hand on a rail at all times. "You alright?"

She leans against him and sighs. "Yeah, gave myself a shot just now. I hate this, not seeing where we're going... the darkness..."

"I know," Garrus says, pulling her close to him, as much as it is possible with their bulky armor between them. He wants to find more encouraging words but Bailey yells at them through the com that he can't slow down the other elevator, unless they shoot at the power conduits.

Shepard groans, pulls out her heavy pistol, and takes out the conduits. Garrus only has a small pistol on his armor and he doesn't dare to take both hands off the rail to use a rifle. He needs a few more shots than Shepard to destroy a conduit. The other cabin gets noticeably slower and Garrus almost relaxes when Bailey warns them of enemies inside the elevator shaft.

"Sure, why not?" Shepard grumbles. "As if this isn't bad enough." She looks a bit better now, as much as he can see her face behind the visor but he's still worried about her.

The ensuing fight with the phantoms is more annoying than actually dangerous. Their position is not the best, exposed and pretty much glued to the top of the cabin, but the phantoms have trouble keeping up with the speed of their cabin and they move quite predictably.

When the last phantom falls to her death, Garrus turns to Shepard. "Is it just me or were these easier to fight than others we've met?"

"I was wondering about that too. A Monday production set."

"What?"

"Nevermind. Maybe they have like new sets and experienced sets? I mean the whole reason why you keep them partly human is probably so they can learn and get better at combat." Shepard shakes her head. "I only hope they don't remember who they were before."

It's chilling to think of these killing machines as humans who were turned, maybe against their will or without their knowledge; to get thrown into combat without regard for their lives.

Their elevator now lines up with the council's elevator and Shepard jumps over onto the other cabin. Garrus follows her and his loud stomping obviously alerts whoever is with the councilors because now someone is shooting at them through the roof of the cabin. Things are just getting better and better.

The cabin stops halfway to the floor and they can hear the passengers exiting, hurried on by a familiar voice. Shepard and him need a bit longer, squeezing through the gap above the elevator. They jump down and are on an open balcony that curves around in the typical Citadel design and there — there is Kaidan and the councilors!

Seeing him, alive and well, fills Garrus with so much relief, his knees buckle.

He stumbles forward, following Shepard. She is focused on Udina, who inches his way towards a console that would probably open the doors to the other elevator, the one filled with phantoms and the sword swinging assassin. The skycar, that was supposed to take the councilors away, is a burning husk, black smoke billowing out of it.

"Kaidan," Shepard calls out, her pistol loose in her hand. "This is a trap. Udina staged the coup."

The asari councilor takes a step back, bumping into Sparatus, the turian councilor. His subharmonics hum in disbelief and confusion as he looks from Udina to Shepard.

Kaidan has his pistol raised, aiming at Shepard. "Stand down." His voice is cold and professional. "Shepard, what's going on? Cerberus is attacking the station and now you're here, threatening the councilors."

"I'm on your side," Shepard says. She takes a step to the side to put Garrus in Kaidan's line of sight. " _We're_ on your side."

There is a twitch in Kaidan's face, a second where his professional mask falls. The moment expands, three people, desperately searching the other's face for a sign, an explanation.

But he doesn't lower his pistol.

"We didn't believe Shepard before," the asari councilor says quietly, "and it has cost us dearly."

"Untenable accusations!" Udina yells and resolutely walks over to the console. "This is ridiculous."

"Stay away from the console!" Shepard orders, raising her pistol to aim at Udina's head.

"Shepard." Kaidan steps in her way, obscuring her line of sight to Udina. His pistol points at her chest.

"Kaidan, you have to trust me."

"I have to protect the councilors."

Garrus wants to scream but he keeps his voice down. "That's exactly what we're trying to do. If Udina opens that door, we'll have Cerberus and an assassin on our backs."

"Nonsense." Udina steps up to the console but the asari councilor grabs his arm.

"We should..."

She can't finish her sentence as Udina pushes her away so that she falls to the floor. He types commands into the interface and Garrus knows that they're out of time. The assassin is too dangerous to risk him getting out of that elevator, Kaidan and Shepard are blocking each other _and by the Spirits they better not shoot each other or he is going to kill them himself_ and Udina is still typing in the override. Garrus has no clear shot, Kaidan is in his way.

He leans over and takes the shot.

The projectile goes so close to Kaidan's armor that sparks fly in the trail and it hits Udina in the shoulder. He stumbles backwards. The door to the elevator is still closed.

Kaidan now aims at Garrus.

Garrus lets his helmet collapse to look Kaidan in the eyes. He puts the pistol away and sees Shepard doing the same.

Shepard whispers, "You know us, Kaidan. It's _us_."

Kaidan's pistol wavers and then he lowers it.

Garrus takes a shaky breath and it feels like he hasn't taken a breath in years.

"I better not regret this," Kaidan says.

"You won't." Shepard walks over to Udina's body. "We'll check his omni-tool for a communications trail, to see how he did this."

Garrus moves to follow her but Kaidan stops him with a hand on his arm. He can't feel him through the armor but it burns just as much.

"I'm sorry..." Kaidan says, his eyes pleading for forgiveness. "I never could have..."

"I know," Garrus says. He is yearns to pull him into a crushing hug, to hold him close and breathe in his scent for at least ten hours.

But the threat is not over yet and as Shepard walks over to Udina, sparks start flying from the elevator doors. Cerberus must have found a welding tool on their armor and are now opening the doors by force.

"Protect the councilors!" Shepard yells and readies her pistol. Kaidan and Garrus run towards her as the door opens and the phantoms storm out with their mechanical stakkato screams. They shoot at them as best as they can but these are better phantoms than the one they had met in the elevator shaft. They move faster and shoot quicker and Garrus' armor warns him of his shields draining.

The assassin is nowhere to be seen.

Kaidan and Shepard each take out one of the phantoms but not without getting hit themselves a few times as they cover the councilors with their bodies. Garrus takes out another phantom but his armor warns him of his shields being down and the next shot hits him directly. His armor absorbs the impact at his side but he can see the same brittling effect spreading over the material that he has seen with the armor of the young C-Sec officer.

Kaidan gets a hit as well as he takes out the second to last phantom and Garrus notes that his shields are down too. The brittling causes a discoloration of the armor over his abdomen.

Just as he wants to yell out a warning to Kaidan about his armor, the assassin drops his cloak and jumps forward with his sword. Garrus sees, in crystal clarity, how he will hit Kaidan just at the point where his armor has brittled, impaling him with the sword and spirits knows what poison.

He jumps, throws himself in front of Kaidan, deflecting the attack with his body. He can hear Kaidan call out his name, pain burns in his side but Kaidan is here, he is alive. Shots are fired, someone runs away and the blood in his ears rushes so loud and it's so strangely familiar how Shepard calls his name but this time there's Kaidan too, calling his name and he is so tired but they are here... they are here...

_"... his medi-gel?"_

_"... gave that to Thane..."_

_"... synth-blood, why isn't it..."_

_"... C-Sec officer, didn't have an injector..."_

_"... Garrus, stay with us!"_

_"Garrus!"_

...

...

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Evil cliffhanger, I know!!


End file.
